more about words and thinking

sometimes, when I’m trying to practice Japanese, I can sense the words there, in memory, but they won’t come out--they’re there, hiding or something, but definitely present. (*), I suspect is there mistrusting them. This is accompanied by the thought that were I to fall asleep and try to speak Japanese, I might find much more success in my recollection, though (*) might not sleep...

Recall is a strange thing, an inhibited thing, but why? It’s like a lump in the throat, resisting the words, but it’s there in between memory and the physical action of speech. Is this just a mental block, or something psychologically sentient? What I'm describing is not the same as having a word on the tip of the tongue, or such, but a phenomenon more like a linguistic island. The word there in memory, but must cross the sea of (*) before even reaching the tip of the tongue. Perhaps this is more obvious than I suspect, and I'm just making it more complex than it really is, ie. practice will build those bridges of recall. The sensation could be the buidling of a bridge to memory.

aside: standing on the balcony, I observed some trees, and wondered how I could draw them without forcing myself on them too much. A similar sensation, but a bridge to bypass (*), and reach the pen and the interpretation that is a hand, purely. Or at least just do them justice.

try to think less (*).